


Candy Tax

by mggislife2789



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Costumes, F/M, Gen, Halloween, Halloween Costumes, Pregnancy, Reader-Insert, Trick or Treating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-27 08:04:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12577340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mggislife2789/pseuds/mggislife2789
Summary: Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or their original stories. This is only for fun. It's where my brain goes after the credits roll. No copyright intended. Better safe than sorry. ;)





	Candy Tax

“And…what are you supposed to be?” Spencer asked. While Derek and Savannah were doing a kickass cosplay of Harley and the Joker, Hank was wearing nice pants, a button-up shirt, a sweater vest and a crazy gray wig. Henry had once dressed up as him, but he was pretty sure that’s not what Hank was supposed to be.

Hank bounced happily on his feet as everyone gathered in their costumes. “I’m Einstein!” How had that not clicked? Hank was an exceptionally smart child and Morgan had come to nickname his son Einstein.

Spencer gave his godson a high-five. “I think you might be smarter than Einstein!”

“Daddy thinks so too,” Hank giggled. Just as he was about to bound out the door, Penelope joined, donning a perfect Poison Ivy cosplay, including the return of her red hair.

“Hey Red!” He gathered his arm around her and looked around the corner to see what Y/N was wearing. Maybe it would explain what the hell Spencer was supposed to be. 

When Y/N came out, she was wearing a navy blue shirt and jeans, different sized balls hanging from strings on her arms, and a sun on her slightly protruding belly. He still couldn’t believe the kid was gonna be a dad; he’d be a great father, and he deserved it. “Wait, you’re the universe!” He exclaimed. It finally dawned on him as Savannah and Penelope fawned over her costume and the soon-to-be baby. “But that still doesn’t explain what you’re supposed to be, Pretty Boy.”

Spencer looked exasperated. No one understood him. No one except Y/N that was. “Y/N, tell them what I’m supposed to be.”

“He’s Galileo!” She said excitedly, as if everyone was supposed to understand their combined nerdiness. He was wearing a long black robe with a white collar, a fake beard, and was carrying a giant telescope.

Hank must’ve noticed the perplexed faces of his mother, father and godmother because he turned around to face them. “Galileo used his telescope to change our understanding of the universe guys! Come on!” He huffed and puffed which made Spencer laugh and give his nephew a high-five again.

“Thank you, Hank! You can hang out with me and Y/N tonight. You get us.”

Giggling, Y/N looked back at Savannah and Morgan while she and Spencer each grabbed one of Hank’s hands. As they began to trick-or-treat, Morgan teased Hank about the dreaded Candy Tax. “Uncle Spencer, don’t let Dad eat my Reese’s Cups!”

Spencer scooped him up and carried him to the next house. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure he doesn’t take any.”

“Thanks, Uncle Spencer!” 

House after house provided Hank with two tons of candy that he wouldn’t be able to finish if he ate it every day until next year. “So, Y/N, did you have any other ideas for how to dress up the baby bump?” Penelope asked. She was so excited to be getting another godchild to spoil; her job as fairy godmother would never be complete.

“Well, I definitely thought about being a pregnant zombie with baby legs and arms sticking out of my stomach,” she laughed. “We also thought about Mother Earth and Father Time, and a Chef for him and I would be the bun in the oven.” Penelope clapped her hands excitedly; she was definitely onboard with any and all ideas regarding Y/N being pregnant.

As the night wore on, Hank met up with some of his new friends from school that happened to live in the same neighborhood. None of them really understood his costume, but they also accepted it. While they were all dressing up as Spiderman or Thor or Wonder Woman, here was Einstein. For Spencer, it was nice to see his godson being accepted for who he was; he hadn’t been as lucky, so he was glad his godson was leading the same life. 

“Do you think adults would look down on me if I went up to the next house with Hank?” Y/N asked. “The baby wants peanut butter.”

Spencer chuckled and squeezed his girlfriend’s hand. “Does the baby want peanut butter or does mom want peanut butter?”

“Baby!” She scolded playfully. “And I like the sound of that.”

“What?”

“Mom.”

“Yea, me too.”

Hank bounded up from his most recent score and opened up the bag for Y/N.  
“You’ve been saying the baby wants peanut butter. Do you want a peanut butter cup? I’ll share with you, but Dad still can’t give me a Candy Tax.”

“Thank you, peanut,” she said as she kissed him on the head. With a smile on his face, the little boy turned back to his friends; the adults were trailing slowly behind. “Mmmm…yes, peanut butter cup. But don’t let me have anymore because I’m pretty sure I could eat an entire bag of these right now. Savannah, what did you want to eat when you were pregnant with Hank?”

“Everything,” she laughed. “Ask Derek. I can’t tell you how many nights I had him drive down to the 24-hour convenience store for crappy ramen, Funny Bones, Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, Twizzlers…I was ravenous.”

Nearly three hours after the night had begun, Hank and his friends started to deflate, their bags of candy getting increasingly heavier as sleep overtook them. “Hey, Einstein,” Derek called, “You ready to go home?”

“Yea,” he yawned. “But don’t eat my candy. You either either Mom! Auntie Penelope can though.”

Penelope kissed him on the cheek as he started to fall asleep on his father’s shoulder. “Thank you, baby.”

Parents began to take their children back home. All of them, adults included, were tired, especially Y/N, who was leaning her entire universe on Spencer’s Galileo as they walked back to Derek and Savannah’s home. Spencer, Y/N and Penelope were staying for a few days, so now it was time for bed. “We have to go to CVS and get clearance candy tomorrow,” Y/N said sleepily. “I want more chocolate.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Derek said, after returning from Hank’s bedroom, where he was now fast asleep. “Hank has way too much candy and we’re never going to let him eat it all. Plus, I need my candy tax.”

He reached into the bag and grabbed a Kit Kat. Savannah and Penelope grabbed Tootsie Pops, and Spencer and Y/N grabbed peanut butter cups. “I enjoy the candy tax,” Spencer laughed. He stared at Y/N’s belly and started talking to the baby. “I’m letting you know now that Daddy is going to impose a candy tax. Okay baby?”


End file.
